What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 17:56
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So whats the point in blame.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Why do so many people find Kakashi's character so appealing and inspirational?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Why is the show The Big Bang Theory so hated?
My family never makes their pension either.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
What might be the social consequences of an ethnic as opposed to a civic conception of the nation?
I write beautiful poetry .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
How can you maintain self-control?
He knew the spot.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was scared of men, in general
Can you share a story of someone who had a lucky experience while hitchhiking?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I waited trembling.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was 9 years of age.
Why are perceived or real slights interpreted as rejections and reality by pwBPD?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Who is the most trusted person in your life, and do they have the same trust on you?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
What was your most embarrassing and humiliating bare bottom spanking?
(And it was in our own minds.)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But ive been too sick for many years..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She married twice! .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But, we were locked up after school.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She wouldn,t have been !
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And i lived it daily.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Im still living with it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Especially a lifetime of it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Ive learnt so much.
I think the readers, may guess!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was seconnd youngest,
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
All the time i was locked up.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She found it foreign!.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Put me off passion for life!!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Was to survive, this bastard.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But it wasn’t much.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why did i forgive my father ?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She loved him until the end.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We all went to grammer schools
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We were not on the streets..
One cannot live in the past .
I don,t even have a pension.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I have no regrets .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Would this be the day?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I could never make a relationship work though!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I said to her
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She was in good health!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Comes on , in middle age.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was very sick at this time too.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
This is soul school!.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I never cut or harmed myself..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
It was going to be , some day.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
When she asked me how she looked .
My life is so biszare .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Who then, do I blame.?
I will be 64.
So, i spoilt her more .
What did i know ?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.